Please review, improve and check my writing?

The most loved place, for me could actually be found across the entire nation. But my favourite location of the restaurant was relatively close to where I used to live. It intersected between two streets, Grandview Highway and Renfrew; these were the only main streets I knew as a child nearby my home. The restaurant certainly has been changed significantly since I鈥檝e last been there. But the memories, since childhood has been implemented into my mind to the point which I could no longer forget. I would always beg my mother and father for the set course meal where I would receive a unique, one of a kind toy. It was always a routine of mine which I did regularly. Begging my parents was something that always persuaded them quite beautifully. The amount of clutter that surrounds my house is collectively due to the amounts of toys that I have collected as a child from the restaurant. Throughout my childhood having to eat there and share my memories with my father and mother have certainly impacted me in a way that now as a young adult, I could no longer leave the restaurant I desire.



On a hot sunny Sunday afternoon, the door automatically opens as I step onto the platform and the place I love most already feels like home. The smell of oil lingering in the air as the breeze of oil drifts across my face. In the restaurant, families are waiting patiently with their overly loud children, and the environment crowded but surprisingly heartwarming. I position myself behind the line where I slowly move as the line proceeds. The environment filled with chattering and my surroundings thundering with voices unable to hear myself speak. After patiently waiting for a long period of time, I reach the front of the line and friendly greet the employee before I order. The cashier standing strongly and broad and his gestures are more welcoming than ever. His smile is vibrant, his gestures are greatly affectionate, and his voice astonishingly joyful. The grill sizzles as the raw Angus beef become cooked and changes to a shining brown colour. The smell of meat surrounds the entire restaurant and my nerves becoming stimulated by the heavy smell of beef. My favourite item on the menu board are the golden-brown farm grown potatoes that are deep fried in a batch and when they鈥檙e taken out they become crisp and fresh in taste. These potatoes have brought joy for millions of people and are what the restaurant is famously known for. My favourite beverage is Root Beer that is released from the automatic dispenser along with cubical ice cubes, which makes the drink long lastingly cold.



After receiving my food I take gentle steps for precautionary reasons towards the table where I use to sit as a child with my father. As I pass by the playground inside the restaurant, memories from almost a decade ago suddenly rush into my head. The playground no longer there, but instead a thick white colour wall that stands out quite fabulously. I take a seat on the yellow covered chair and carefully place my food onto the table. As I insert the Angus burger into my mouth, my teeth tear the Angus burger into tiny pieces and my taste buds explode in flavour. I continue to finish my meal but while eating I also resist devouring my entire burger so I could slowly enjoy the fabulous flavours. Looking back, and after realizing the many hours I have spent here with my father and mother, the delightful memories of my own provide myself with endless joy. I鈥檓 committed to being a lifelong partner because the joy that McDonald brings me doesn鈥檛 exist anywhere else.



.Please review, improve and check my writing?
The most loved restaurant, for me, can actually be found across the entire nation. But my favourite location of this restaurant was relatively close to where I used to live. It intersected between two streets, Grandview Highway and Renfrew; these were the only main streets I knew as a child near my home.

The restaurant has changed significantly since I鈥檝e last been there, but my childhood memories have been permanently imprinted into my mind to the point that I will never forget. I would always beg my mother and father for the set course meal where I would receive a unique, one-of-a-kind toy. It was always a routine of mine which I did regularly. Begging my parents was something that always persuaded them to give in to my wishes. The amount of clutter inside my house is due to the amount of toys that I have collected as a child from the restaurant. Throughout my childhood, having to eat there and share my memories with my father and mother have certainly impacted me in a way that now as a young adult, I could no longer leave the restaurant I desire.

On a hot, sunny Sunday afternoon, the door automatically opens as I step near the entrance, and the place I love most already feels like home. I can smell cooking oil lingering in the air as the breeze drifts across my face. In the restaurant, families are waiting patiently with their overly loud children, and the room is crowded but surprisingly heartwarming. I position myself in line where I slowly move as the line proceeds. The environment is filled with chattering, and my surroundings thunder with voices so much that I am unable to hear myself speak. After patiently waiting for a long period of time, I reach the front of the line and offer a friendly greeting to the employee before I order. The cashier is standing strong and broad and his gestures are more welcoming than ever. His smile is vibrant, his gestures are greatly affectionate, and his voice astonishingly joyful. The grill sizzles as the raw Angus beef becomes cooked and changes to a shining brown colour. The smell of meat surrounds the entire restaurant and my nerves become stimulated by the heavy smell of beef. My favourite item on the menu board is the golden-brown, farm-grown potatoes that are deep fried in a batch, and when they鈥檙e taken out of the oil they are crisp and fresh in taste. These potatoes have brought joy for millions of people and are what the restaurant is famously known for. My favourite beverage is Root Beer that is released from the automatic dispenser along with ice cubes, which makes the drink long lastingly cold.

After receiving my food, I take gentle steps for precautionary reasons towards the table where I used to sit as a child with my father. As I pass by the playground inside the restaurant, memories from almost a decade ago suddenly rush into my head. The playground is no longer there, but instead a thick white coloured wall stands out quite fabulously. I take a seat on the yellow covered chair and carefully place my food onto the table. As I insert the Angus burger into my mouth, my teeth tear it into tiny pieces and my taste buds explode with flavour. I continue to finish my meal but while eating I also resist devouring my entire burger so that I can slowly savor the fabulous flavours. Looking back, and after realizing the many hours I have spent here with my father and mother, the delightful memories of my own provide myself with endless joy. I鈥檓 committed to being a lifelong partner because the joy that McDonalds brings me doesn鈥檛 exist anywhere else.


Nice story - I hope you like my edits. I wasn't sure what you meant by this: I could no longer leave the restaurant I desire.Please review, improve and check my writing?
Try not to be repetitive: "It was always a routine of mine which I did regularly."

Routine automatically implies regularly.



Check your grammar: run-ons, fragments, commas,etc.



Does not fit with the rest of the paragraph: "My favourite item on the menu board are the golden-brown farm grown potatoes that are deep fried in a batch and when they鈥檙e taken out they become crisp and fresh in taste. These potatoes have brought joy for millions of people and are what the restaurant is famously known for. My favourite beverage is Root Beer that is released from the automatic dispenser along with cubical ice cubes, which makes the drink long lastingly cold."



Rephrase this: "After receiving my food I take gentle steps for precautionary reasons towards the table where I use to sit as a child with my father."



Repetitive for Angus Burger (Use object pronoun): "As I insert the Angus burger into my mouth, my teeth tear the Angus burger into tiny pieces and my taste buds explode in flavour."



Incoherent: "I continue to finish my meal but while eating I also resist devouring my entire burger so I could slowly enjoy the fabulous flavours."



Those are the biggest things that I could see.