Is this a good suicide note? i'm trying to make it as funny as possible so my family wont hurt as much.?

Dear Fellow Pawns;



Since November 1st, 1993 I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 5440 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day.



Alas, I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness. Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 540 limited times in the last 14 years has never given my well-being a second thought.



Well, congratulations, you win. McDonald's 1, michael clark 0. You have killed my will, spirit and soul; now my body will follow.



Luckily, I will be going to a better place. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of fry cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U.



Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.



Sincerely,



michael clark



P.S. Tell everyone I'm not psychotic.Is this a good suicide note? i'm trying to make it as funny as possible so my family wont hurt as much.?
Suicide notes are never funny. By writing a suicide note you are hurting so many people. I don't even know you but i was hurt by the thought of you killing yourself. Nothing in this world is worth killing yourself for. Whatever problem you have in your life can be resolved by talking to someone. talk to your parents, your teacher, your counsellor or even to us at yahoo answers. There so many wise people who would love to help you out with whatever problem you might be facing.
Your attempt at humor is as dumb as an attempt at human flight without a winged vehicle. Buck up, quit being a pussy, and think about the fact that God gave you life, your mother passed you into it, raised you, and will be devastated by your decision. Do I think its funny? No, I think you are an idiot.Is this a good suicide note? i'm trying to make it as funny as possible so my family wont hurt as much.?
No matter what you write in a suicide letter, your family or friends will not find it funny. Suicide is selfish. Talk to someone about your problems. If you took the time to think of something this funny, I think you will be ok hun!
Suicide is not selfish, His life his decision. Like if i had 50Million, im not gonna give it to anyone, its my money. make your own.



And suicide never comes out funny.Is this a good suicide note? i'm trying to make it as funny as possible so my family wont hurt as much.?
Wow-its good to meet someone else thats as dedicated as me-can we meet? Bec. a double suicide will get more media attention to this prob. Lmao
you need to talk to someone lol, like this cant be serious. or atleast i hope its not.
You are not funny. Looking for attention, I think.
It is worth noting that some faithful men and women in Bible times expressed profoundly negative feelings about life. Rebekah, the wife of the patriarch Isaac, was once so distressed over a family problem that she did not know what to do: "After that Re·bek′ah kept saying to Isaac: “I have come to abhor this life of mine because of the daughters of Heth. If Jacob ever takes a wife from the daughters of Heth like these from the daughters of the land, of what good is life to me?”(Genesis 27:46) Also Job, who suffered the loss of his children, his health, his wealth, and his social standing, said: "My soul certainly feels a loathing toward my life." (Job 10:1) Moses once cried out to God: "Please kill me off altogether." (Numbers 11:15) Elijah, a prophet of God, once said: "It is enough! Now, O Jehovah(God) , take my soul away." (1 Kings 19:4) And the prophet Jonah repeatedly said: "My dying off is better than my being alive."—Jonah 4:8.



Did Jehovah(God) condemn these individuals for feeling as they did? No. He even preserved their expressions in the Bible. It is vital to note, though, that none of those faithful ones let their feelings drive them to commit suicide. Jehovah valued them; he wanted them to live. The fact is, God is concerned even about the lives of wicked ones. He urges them to change their ways and 'actually keep living.' (Ezekiel 33:11) How much more does he want those who are concerned about winning his favor to keep living!



God has provided the ransom sacrifice of his Son, the Christian congregation, the Bible, and the privilege of prayer. This line of communication with God—prayer—never has a busy signal. God can and will hear all who approach him with a humble, sincere heart. "Let us, therefore, approach with freeness of speech to the throne of undeserved kindness, that we may obtain mercy and find undeserved kindness for help at the right time."—Hebrews 4:16.



All I have to say is why take the easy way out and why do a permanent solution for a temporary problem the Bible book of 1 Peter 5:6,7 says: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt YOU in due time; while YOU throw all YOUR anxiety upon him, because he cares for YOU." I been through hell and back again. I use to do drugs but the scary part of it all I dnt do it for a short time relief I did it for a purpose to end my life. I use to cut my wrist and I remember one day cut when my life was almost over. My family found me on the floor with no pulse they called the E.R. and they used the defibrillators to see if my heart would start pumping blood again and well it did. So I saw how much it hurt the people I love the most and even though what I did was wrong they still loved me. I hope u make the right decision.