Do I have reasons to live? Committing suicide?

Since November 1st, 1993 I have lived a lie that I can no longer go on with. I have started each of the last 6478 days by convincing myself that McDonald's would bring back the Double ZestaBurger--if only for a limited time and at only select locations. It was the only way I could get myself out of bed and through the day.



I can no longer lie to myself about my future. I now accept that it is bleak. I do not control my destiny, nor my happiness. Like all of you, I am just a pawn in McDonald's global marketing plan. The same company that has returned the McRib 643 limited times in the last 17 years has never given my well-being a second thought.



Well, congratulations, you win. You have killed my will, spirit and soul; now my body will follow.



Luckily, I will be going to a better place. A place where my happiness won't be controlled by a multi-national conglomeration of fry cooks in cheap suits. While my body will be buried in the same ground where Ray Kroc's is surely spinning; my soul will be with his in heaven. Not here in purgatory controlled by the whims of MBA's from Hamburger U.



Together Ray and I will forever feast on that delicious ambrosia, the Double Zesta Burger.



Sincerely,



Me.Do I have reasons to live? Committing suicide?
Best. Suicide. Note. Ever.
No, you don't.Do I have reasons to live? Committing suicide?
oh..my..god.
Oh my gosh.I love you already!Do I have reasons to live? Committing suicide?
You would be a coward for leaving us all behind.



While you would be safe in the loving arms of Ray, the rest of humanity would be left behind. And what of those souls who have never been told about the Double Zesta Burger? Oh no, the Double Zesta could return any day, like a thief in the night, and only Ray knows the day and the hour. It could happen at the instant of your passing.



And who is to say that your reward on the other side would be 99 virgin Zesta's? You may be committing a sin commensurable with 99 vegan toco's, or 99 pounds of fried tofu. Moreover, the risk is too great, and the Great Commission is too clear: You must join hands with your brotheren, kneel humbly at the top of the Play Land plastic slide, and wait for the return of the Zesta. Remember, Ray is truth, and the Zesta will return.
well it looks like i'm too late I've just received word that the double zesta burger has lept off the golden gate bridge after spending the last 6478 days looking for it's soul mate the only man who ever really truly loved it the double zesta burger jumped along with the recipe to it's death why god why well at least we can end on a happy note with a happy meal since they both committed suicide despite inaccuracies and misrepresentations in the as yet unidentified mans suicide note he will not be joining mr. kroc in heaven the unidentified man and the burger will be in HELL where there will be plenty of open fires to grill those delicious burgers on we wish you good luck and we'll see you soon toss one on the grill for me will ya